Avenge Cecil's death!

Those of you who have read my stuff, know that my work is usually more lighthearted, but this week, in light of what has happened, I have decided to try and incite some revenge for poor Cecil.

Ironically, I was actually half way through writing a piece about lions.  As we entered the time of the Leo on the zodiac, I thought it would be funny to poke fun at the real nature of the king of the jungle. I had put together several amusing observations about how the male lion basically just lies around and lets his harem of females do everything, and I was going to speculate on how he got so lucky to have this seemingly wonderful arrangement?  The answer, as best as my research could determine, was that he is the ultimate bad boy super stud.  Male lions not only (literally) fight off all rivals, but once they have the top spot, they will mate with all the females, 6 times an hour, for days and days on end.  In short, he lets them know who's boss, and they like it.  Sounds like a pretty good deal huh?  And it probably is, unless some ASSHOLE two legged chicken shit (walter palmer) with his armed posse of dirtbags, lure's you away from your protected sanctuary just so he can shoot you with a crossbow (and then a gun 40 hours later because he wasn't even skillful enough to kill you the first time).

So, I'm not going to write the humorous piece.  That ship has sailed.  It was funny but its in my trash now.  Now, all I want is REVENGE.

Let's start with the American Dental Association.  The ADA is very proud of its Code of Conduct (see http://www.ada.org/en/about-the-ada/principles-of-ethics-code-of-professional-conduct/ ) in which it states that every member of the ADA will "always do good".    Contact the ADA here:

http://www.ada.org/en/about-the-ada/contact/

to let them know what you think about Walter Palmer and whether it was "good" enough.

I am sure that if enough people take the time to express their opinions, the ADA will have no choice but to take action against mr palmer.  

But lets not stop there.  Let's do the same for the Dental Association for the great state of Minnesota.  I'm sure with enough feedback they will also decide that they do not need a dentist like walter palmer.

And while we are at it, lets tell Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton what we think of mr palmer.  With enough encouragement and a few million emails, I'm sure Mr. Dayton would be happy to assign a few of his best civil servants to investigate every possible way to ensure that mr palmer is driven out of the state, out of dentistry, and into the icy oblivion that he deserves.

Its a snowball.  Keep it rolling people.  Let's vow not to stop writing until something is done about this man and what he has done.  For Cecil, and for anyone else who might try the same thing in the future.

RIP Cecil.

Thank you everyone.  Now get writing!

Michael Shawn Mackay 

A girl never forgets her first SHOEGASM

A girl never forgets her first.  She was completely on the edge as she slid open the box.  Visual stimulators were the first to kick in.  As they came into focus, she began to feel weak in the knees, and a little hot under the collar.  Then, touching them for the first time, other senses collided.  Soft, supple, sensual.  They even had that new shoe smell.  Better still, they had that expensive new shoe smell.

Teased and tormented by fashion and social media alike, until now, she had only been able to look.  She had talked to them through the front window at Barney's, and stalked them online, but they still seemed forever just out of reach.  She knew in her heart that they were meant to be together, but when?  How?  She knew how good it would be.  She had dreamt about it.  It would be mind blowing, toe curling, spine wriggling ecstasy.  A full blown SHOEGASM, and her desire only fuelled her resolve.  Boys can be nice too, but bitch please, we are talking about shoes here.  

For most women, getting all the way there has never been easy.  It can take years of practice, and even then, everything has to be jusssst right.

One time, she thought she was going to have one in college, but was disappointed as she unwrapped the deceptive parcel only to reveal a discount brand shoebox.

There really should be a rule against that?  Cheap shoes really should come in some other form of packaging, its just cruel.

Then in her twenties, when she finally had a real job, she splurged, and gave herself a shoegasm and it was every bit as good as she had imagined.   After that, it became an obsession, and she has been getting more, every chance she gets.

Until now, she has only found two ways to have one.

If they are lucky, some girls find a prince charming for their inner cinderella .   If he is considerate enough, generous enough, and knows where to shop, he really could make her shoe dreams come true.   But that seems to be the needle in a haystack, and alas,  for most girls, the only reliable way to shoegasm seems to be giving them to yourself.

Let's face it.  Real life isn't like the movies.

Ryan Gosling isn't loitering in the Jimmy Choo section at Bergdorf's with his platinum card.  Nope. Sadly, if you want to go pro that route, you are more likely going to have to settle for someone a little less, charming and thats just sad. 

It shouldn't have to be that way, and now, it isn't!

Now there is a third way!

Introducing Tagsnob.com where you can play to win all the shoes, bags, trips and other luxury items you have been dreaming about.

Tagsnob, the other, other, way to get them.

Tape is NOT an outfit

You've probably seen it.  For the past couple years, the world wide web has been flooded with them.  From Burbank to Belarus, aspiring models are clambering to strike their best zoolander poses adorned in little more than electrical tape.

I know that tape has long been part of the female wardrobe, but I was pretty sure that until now it was never in the starring role (or should i say roll?).  It was always, more or less, behind the scenes, not on your behind.

How did it this get started?  It probably went down something like this:  Some rocket scientist (unemployed landscaper) met some girl online and told her he was a photographer.  He borrowed a camera and set up a photoshoot.  With his limited experience, he hadn't thought ahead about any styling options, so when she asked what was today's wardrobe going to be?  He looked around his studio (parents garage) and the best he could come up with was a trusty roll of Temflex Nylon 1700.

Gradually (25 minutes later), thanks to the miracle of social media, other girls saw these first shots and the trend began.  Other duct tape daVinci's took up the challenge and dedicated themselves to the craft.  What a fine upstanding group of young men they must be.  Surely these are the sort of guys you want your daughter to meet?  Look at these guys, they are hard at work, literally toiling over her every nook and cranny.  I wonder what happens when they have artistic differences?  "Bro, I'm not happy with what you've done on her inner left ass cheek, its just not working for me."  When I was in school, I don't recall "dude who puts hockey tape on naked girls" being part of the list of options on career day?  If it were, I think there would have been more than a few takers.

Or what if she needs to pee?  That must be an adventure.  If girls are now completely ok with wearing electrical tape, what could be next?  Bubble wrap?  Butterscotch pudding?  "Hey you're beautiful, I can't wait to cover you with Aluminum siding!  But first, hold still, I need to rub superglue all over your hoohaw.  It's ok baby, trust me, I'm an artist."

What is the end game here?  I mean, for the girl (I'm pretty sure we can all guess the end game for the "artist").  Is she going to become an electrical tape supermodel?  Land the cover of the home depot catalogue? or?  what? get discovered?  By who?  3M?  In contrast, unless it has something to do with a sports injury, or a halloween costume, men don't wear tape.  Ever.  If some girl tried to come near my balls with sticky tape, she would quickly find herself on a list ofthose girls (the ones I avoid).

As laughable as this entire phenomenon seems, rest easy.  Like all trends, it can't last forever.  In the meantime, karma wins the day.  I would love to see the look on her face after a night of partying in the club when she finally realizes that now she has to pull all that tape off.  Ouch.  But hey, I'm sure it was worth it.  Riiiiiight.